The struggle to juggle

For many women my age the struggle to juggle is about finding a way to maintain a sensible work/ life balance. In my life, it is that and more. For me the struggle to juggle is mostly about blending families – finding a way to create a successful second marriage which includes my fiancé, my daughter, my soon to be step kids from my current relationship, my step sons from my first marriage, 4 grandchildren, my ex, and to spice it all up, my future husband’s ex wife… Add to that our helpful friends, in-laws, and occasional professional advice and you have what has become my life (at least on alternating weekends).

My first marriage was where I originally conceived of the idea of a happily blended family From my husbands’ side came two teenage boys. Their mom, who I often referred to, as “our ex-wife” was a fixture in our lives. Her presence in my stepsons’ lives was the impetus for everyone getting along. Our daughter, born a few years after, became the bond that brought us all together. My husband and I felt blessed to have a child to add to our family and her two brothers, who at that point were almost 20 years older and out of the house, took their responsibility as older siblings very seriously - and alternately teased, taught, tortured and adored to her.

When my first marriage ended in divorce (fairly amicably by most standards) we worked hard to keep the children close. For me, that meant finding a way to remain in my stepsons’ lives and keep my relationship with my grand children solid even though I was no longer married to “Grampy”. Uncharted territory for all of us, we faced many awkward moments but managed to make it work.

Enter marriage #2.
Being the eternal optimist, I have come to believe that I can do it all again and create a happy balance between the family that was and the family I am soon to be a part of. My new concept of a well-blended family came to me while watching the food channel. When a TV chef creates a gourmet dish, you will often here it described as containing “layers of flavor”. I’d like to believe a good second marriage could work the same way. If we carefully choose the ingredients, follow the directions closely and allow the flavors to emerge, we will create the perfect dish with all of our “layers of flavor” happily blending together. So far my experience has been a little different. I never know what’s going to happen at dinner but you can be sure it is never as smooth as Paula Dean laughing while cooking with her sons. Usually we are missing some of the ingredients - which doesn’t really matter since someone at the table no longer eats - vegetables – meat – fish – or some other ingredient essential to the dish. Toss in some name-calling, kids refusing to eat and locking themselves in the bathroom or making some kind of an insulting remark – and you have the current version of a what our Sunday dinners look like.

As a woman, and a mom, I feel responsible for the success of this monstrous undertaking. Isn’t that the primary rule of being a woman? For the love of family and the idea of a blissful household, I have taken on the role of mediator, negotiator, event planner and peacekeeper of my newly blended family. Does it all work out? Will it ever work out? That is what the struggle to juggle will ultimately tell ..

Each week I will add an installment to our “Struggle to Juggle” lets see what happens... see you soon? JL